Signs of the Apocalypse:
Part Two

Dear CNN and other News Outlets:

I started my last post by bringing up events and things of which I would normally not discuss. While world events and the like are interesting and important, I don’t feel like I have the expertise or knowledge base to tackle such subjects. This is why I stick to the world of Pop: I’m an expert on the subject. Most North Americans are. Plus, it’s fun and harmless.

So perhaps, when I mentioned Darfur (like, ew), it was a little jarring. Well guess what? It was supposed to be.

You know what else is jarring? When I turn on the news and instead of hearing about the war in Iraq or the Sudanese horrors I get Top Stories like the Funeral of ANS or Britney’s Carpet Now Matching the Drapes.

Its one thing for me to be totally shallow and follow Celebrity news, in fact it’s almost a cliché. I could pretend to be completely original but we all know I’m not. I’m just another homo bitchily pounding away on his keyboard and snarking away at the beautiful people. But you know what? I enjoy myself and you (I presume) enjoy me or neither of us would be here. Perhaps, I offer a respite from the harshness of our cold cruel world (I like to think I’m as soothing like some blog version of Medusa McLachlan’s “Angel”) and we can all think of silly, frivolous things for a few minutes every once in awhile while reading my lucky tiger belt.

What’s disturbing is when I go to find out what’s happening in the world from the outlets where news is supposed to be found, I get stupid stuff that even I’m above blogging about. Britney shaved her head? OK, that shit’s hilarious but it doesn’t even come close to being news. Britney’s in Rehab? Again, not news but I’m so glad that she might be getting her life back together so she can rocket straight back to mediocre once again. That sad Mary who made both the pink dress and Coffin Doily for the ANS funeral? Not news. Not even that interesting.

So, hey CNN? Stop biting my shit and I’ll stop biting yours. I’ll stick to the junior high-esque shit-talking and you stick to reporting real world news. OK?

PS: I’m really going to miss Anna Nicole Smith. Her talent and abilities were immeasurable and her loss has left a huge hole inside all of us.