Style Matters?

I don't know if you know, but there is, like, this total genocide thing happening in Darfur plus a full-on war in Iraq going on. Oh, and Taiwan and China are so pissed at each other and Taiwan has been quietly testing missiles (totally behind their backs and in secret). Also, there was a big earthquake in Indonesia and I’m sure that made a huge mess and stuff. Those things are really harsh and really depressing so I’m not even going to discuss them. If I think too long and too hard about the nasty things going on in the world, I’m likely to borrow a co-worker’s lipstick, scrawl 666 on my forehead and try to hang myself with a bed sheet. Or at least try and paper cut my wrists open over by the copy machine. Billy Corgan was right. The world is a vampire.

In an effort to take our terrorized little minds away from the fucked up world, and also, to try and increase my postings, I'm going to start sharing my thoughts on style and fashion. I have not come up with a name for these posts so if you are reading this and have a good suggestion, email me and tell me because everything I can think of at the moment is a little lame. Here is the first one: If you are wearing sweatpants, yoga pants or anything from here or especially (ugh) here, or anything close to any of these then you better be working out or doing something sporty and/or athletic. If you go to the gym before or after wherever it is you're going, I'm pretty sure that they all have locker rooms. The locker room, to my knowledge, is where you change from your street clothes into your athletic wear and back again when the sporty-ness is done. It’s what they're for.

No matter how hot you think your body is, nobody with good taste wants to see it swathed in a tight cotton drawstring anything. Try to remember to keep things in context. You don’t see me sitting in my cube wearing a welder’s mask or OR scrubs and I don’t want to see you in your playclothes when I’m at work or grabbing a coffee on a day off. It’s pretty simple; if you’re not en route or at the gym/athletic place and you’re wearing anything that resembles workout wear, you look like a fucking loser and all the cool kids are laughing at you.

Sorry if this sounds harsh and you’re probably thinking, “Look bitch, I just want to look and be casual,” which I totally understand. But you know what? Jeans are casual. Cords are casual. Cotton pants are casual. Sweatpants are for sweating. Yoga pants are just wrong. You’ll eventually thank me for this harsh life lesson if you are an offender.

There is an exception. The hoodie has transcended its original purpose as the top portion of the sweatsuit. When layered properly, it brings a little flava to just about any outfit. The hoodie is a wardrobe staple that everyone should own while its partner, the pant with no shape, drawstring waist and gathered ankle should be avoided at all costs.