Farstucker
Part Two

I was in LA for the summer trying to make it big. I was also helping Lisa Welchel to make some decisions around what to do for her next step. Facts of Life had just ended and she was ready for anything. I didn’t know she was about to take an ugly turn into Christianity, but that’s another story.

Anyway, one night Lisa went out to try and talk Dana Plato down from a bad acid trip, and I had the whole place to myself. I was just about to give myself a facial, and sink into Lisa's pink shell shaped bathtub when the phone rang. Wearing only a towel, I ran to pick up the call, thinking it was Lisa with good news about Dana's recovery.

"Hello," I said. I was a little breathless which I’m not ashamed to admit sounds really sexy on me.

"Hello, is this Aaron?" The voice was a deep, somehow familiar rasp. The words just tumbled desperately through the phone "This is Demi Moore calling. Bruce and I are just hanging out at the house, and we've heard so much about you, and we just keep missing each other at social functions, so we just thought, well actually it was my idea, that we would give you a call, and ask you to come by."

"Demi," I began, being very careful to pronounce her name as well as she did, "I would be delighted."

Demi gave me the address, and some brief directions, and then we hung up. I've got to tell you that I was very excited. In all my time spent in LA, I’d learned to be somewhat cavalier, but when the hottest couple in Hollywood invited me over, I felt like I had finally made it. As I drove over to their place in Lisa’s Lebaron, I thought, “Things were really going to happen for me, now.”

Before I knew it, I was ringing the doorbell at their palatial digs. As my heart pounded in my chest, the door opened and there stood Bruce. He was every hero/bum/father/brother/buddy in every movie he had ever made. "Aaron!" he shouted, and I couldn't help but notice the stubble that lined his slack jaw or the fact that we had some super charged and instant chemistry.

Bruce led me into the salon where Demy was waiting, we made small talk, and it became even more obvious to me that something was happening. As the door to the room opened, I saw that Demy was doing one-armed pushups on an elegant chaise lounge. She saw me, and jumped up while extending her strong, proud hand towards me. Our eyes met, and hers was one of the most steely, determined gazes I had ever had the opportunity to find myself to be scanned by. She was like some sort of mysterious robot with really sleek, shiny hair.

We spoke for a while about movie projects, and gossiped about other stars and it was as if we were old friends. I thought, “New friends are just old friends waiting to happen.”
Demy abruptly changed the subject. "Rumer likes to watch The Little Mermaid before she goes to bed, and Scout is not to have anything with white sugar after 6:00."

I was confused, and then in a flurry of movement, the maid had brought Bruce and Demi's kids into the salon. Amid the hubbub, I noticed that the most powerful couple in Hollywood had their coats on. "Where are we going?" I inquired. Bruce and Demi both threw their heads back with laughter. Bruce slapped me on the shoulder, and then they just left. I was alone with their children and their many staff.

When they returned later, they were fighting about Demi's mother who had recently appeared in a pornographic magazine. Demi was so angry, and two tears slid slowly out of her hard, intense eyes. It was just like when she “cried” in Ghost. Her voice was raspier than usual, and I just wanted to go over to her, and take her in my arms, and tell her that everything would be ok. Before I had the chance, she had ripped off her black Versace blouse, revealing a sparkling white tank top, and started doing chin-ups on a bar that was installed in the doorway of the kitchen and wouldn’t even look at me.

Bruce just looked tired, and then he walked over to me, and put his big, meaty hand in the small of my back. "Let me give you a ride home, Aaron." He said, and turned his puppy dog eyes towards me. There was an expectancy there but the earlier chemistry had disappeared when I saw them fighting. To be honest, I just felt dirty, old, and used.

"No thanks." I said, and then I turned and ran through their perfectly decorated home, and out into the warm California night. I ran, and I ran until I was as far away from their house as I could get. I ran for Rumer and I ran for Scout. I ran for Tallulah and though I didn’t know it at the time, I was also running for Ashton Kutcher.

I was shaken to the core. I stopped to get a breath of air. “Poor mysterious, determined Demi Moore”, I thought, “All the one armed pushups in the world won’t make your gorgeous eyes smile.”

“And Bruce, always trying to be the good guy…I know you just want us all to love you. God damn it, the world loves you Bruce Willis.”

Apparently, they had me confused with Victoria Jackson's New York nanny. They didn’t like or want me for me. Their other night nanny had come down with a nasty case of mononucleosis (or so the story went) and I had been a desperate, last-minute replacement. It was a huge letdown, but I was inspired by my huge responsibility. I had touched greatness, and had been given a uni1que opportunity to guide the offspring of near mythical creatures, if only for a few hours.